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*sometimes*i'm*dreaming*'s Journal

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You are viewing 25 entries, 25 into the past.

21st December 2006

1:23am: PS Happy Winter!

Where's the snow, damn it?
1:19am: i don't sleep i don't sleep i don't sleep till it's light.
S'posed to be writing. Need to be home. I've checked facebook five thousand times today. Burn cruised to Taco Bell. Wrote one paper, need to write one more and do a three-hour exam, but I'm savin' it for SC. I am a slack-ass. I have a cough, and I'm still smoking. STUPID STRESS. But I still cannot bring myself to do work. How is that possible? Perhaps because I've stopped caring. School is not the end of my world. I've felt like it would be for like six years now, and I'm finally starting to realize that it isn't everything. Thank you, David Sedley. That was both sarcastic and genuine. Still not saying no. Getting myself into a lot of trouble. Going to go write paper now.

26th November 2006

4:37pm: maybe i am the big Cosmic Joke
I have this professor. He's terrifying. I've never felt so incredibly stupid in my whole life whenever I'm in his presence. It's been this way for a while. I finally figured out that it's not because he actually is a brilliant man, but because he makes me feel so little whenever I talk to him. It's not what he says to me, but the way it comes out that makes me feel like a fucking moron. But what is comes down to, really, is the fact that every time I meet with him, I leave feeling like he thinks I should not have been allowed to graduate high school, and that makes me feel a little bit like shit. Ugh. I know that the moment this semester ends and I am free of his class, I will recommence feeling like I am capable of passing a college course, but until then, I will feel uncomfortably unintelligent.
Current Mood: thinking about Bob Dylan

29th October 2006

4:28pm: there'll be time enough for rocking when we're old.
My new tattoo will look something like Chi Rho.

My current occupations includeCollapse )

I work 27 hours per week, in addition to 12 hours of class. Sometimes I feel like life is being sucked out of me, but mostly I enjoy constantly having something to do. However, I have let some relationships fall by the wayside, and I am very disappointed in myself. In fact, this feeling of disappointment has plagued me for some time. I watch people who work just as much as me who are capable of juggling a very active social life with their many responsibilities. I apparently am not one of those people. I have gravitated to my inner core of people here, and I honestly have little desire or energy to venture beyond it. This core makes me happy, and I'd like to think I make them happy too. If I could just stop feeling guilty about not having time for the other people I love, it would work out. But I miss them sometimes. I wish there were more hours in the day. If wishes were wings, pigs would fly. I feel like I've said that here before.

I got way, way too drunk last night. As I said earlier today, I accomplished my ultimate goal, but I have decided that the philosophy "I'll just drink so much that I cannot speak; that way I can't say something I will regret" is not a very good philosophy to have. I had never drunk that much alcohol before; I will not be doing it again anytime soon. On purpose, anyway. Experienced my first hangover of my whole life today. Owie.

I am bringing a speaker to campus on November 16. My nerves, honestly, are wracked. I want this to work out, and lordy am I terrified. November also brings Joanna Newsom and Imogen Heap. And Thanksgiving break, which I will spend doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Just need to get three quarters of the way through the month, and I'm good to go. I am also currently babysitting the most beautiful baby in the whole world. She is my therapy. :)

I figured out what I'm doing with the rest of my life, too, which is nice. I'm going to get a degree in library science, and I want to be a research librarian, specializing in medieval manuscripts and possibly rare books by authors of the late 19th/early 20th century. So yay for that.

That might be my life in a nutshell at this point. Alrighty then. Whew.
Current Mood: tense

4th October 2006

1:36pm: It's amazing how much things can change in just one month. I have bitten off more than I can chew again this semester. I can't seem to determine my boundaries until I've stepped far past them. I work in Haffner, in Special Collections, I pick up events at Wyndham, I'm babysitting for 2-3 hours per weekday afternoon for a 3 1/2-month-old girl, and WHRC is currently running my life in more ways than one. I don't think I can study abroad, and it is one hundred percent my own fault. I just have no motivation to do anything, and I know it's because I can't give 100% effort to 500 different things, but whoops I did it again.

I am also plagued by a lot of guilt. I have let many friendships fall by the wayside while I try to keep afloat, and I devote all of my free time to a very important few people. I don't regret it, but I do feel bad about not having spent time with people to whom I used to devote a lot of free time.

I am coming home for fall break. thank. fucking. god. I need it. It has been 7 months since I have been home. Way, way past time.
Current Mood: drained

17th August 2006

12:22pm: It's high time I got my shit together.

Was in Boston last week, and this time tomorrow, I will be landing in San Diego. More ready than ever for school to start, even though I am excited about visiting California for the first time.

I am in love, and it is a crazy new feeling. I want to talk about it, but I don't know where to even come close to the beginning. Maybe eventually.

I need a shower.
Current Mood: i need a haircut

23rd July 2006

7:39pm: stop me if you think you've heard this one before.
Holy shit I am so grumpy this evening! I mean, really, this is kind of ridiculous.

I was supposed to go see Peaches this evening, but there is no way. I would end up being the worst company ever.

In related news, both my cell phone and my vehicle are pieces of shit. Both are the primary reason for my incredibly sour mood (the secondary reason being lack of sleep...three hours sleep plus 8 hours work do not a bouncy Brittaney make, apparently, in spite of the glorious beginning that was this morning...).

Overall, though, I am quite content. But right now, I really want to set something on fire. Like my car.

I think I am one of the most emotional people I know. And it is so irritating! Case in point, I suppose.

20th July 2006

12:38pm: I don't know that I feel very well.

On a lighter note, someone sent me TV on the Radio's Return to Cookie Mountain, and it is fucking magnificent. Sure wish I knew who it was that sent it to me, though. (Chad...?)

Holy shit, this album is so good.

14th July 2006

2:12am: I cannot believe this is happening to me. I haven't felt like this in so long.
Current Mood: elated

12th July 2006

10:19am: Thus far today (it is 10 AM YAY!) I have:

--gotten coffee with Andrew

--filed my taxes (yeah, I'm a little slow)

--talked to Financial Aid, and discovered that all is not lost, and I will in fact be returning next year!

--paid the tag on my car

--renewed my driver's license, and I get to keep my old picture YAY

I say, today was definitely a productive day, and it really hasn't even begun.

I really do wonder why DMVs have to suck so much, though. I swear I heard three different automated message thingies and I talked to four different people before I finally got to the right person, and then of course I discovered I had to do everything online anyway. SIGH.

Saw A Prairie Home Companion last night, as well. I quite liked it, even though I don't care too much for the radio show. Garrison Keillor is one weird dude, however.

If only it weren't so damned hot, it would be a perfect day. No A/C is the pits.

4th July 2006

3:06pm: Update Number Two
Scratch the "a little color" part. I am roasted, toasted, and burnt to a crisp(save for my face for once, thank goodness. It's just freckly). I will be wearing loose dresses and no undies for the next two days.

ALTHOUGH! My sister and I have mastered the art of kayaking, and we had a blast today. It is so much fun! We saw all kinds of wildlife, and once you get a ways away from the shore, it's almost totally silent, except for the occasional seagull cry, or scream from Anja or me when we hit a big wave.

We basically just sat on the beach and drank beer from 10 AM to 2 PM today, with periodic dips in the gulf, and my sister's and my excursions in the kayaks. It is so nice to finally be on vacation. I haven't had one since March, and it is extremely refreshing.

3rd July 2006

2:42pm: Back in good ol' FL again.

Thus far I have eaten:

Shrimp pasta, crab cakes, roast beef, mashed potatoes, homemade biscuits, fried okra, peach crustade and key lime pie made from key limes grown in my grandmother's backyard. Oh how I have missed good home-cooked food!

Been to the beach twice, which has been soooooooo therapeutic. It had been much, much too long. Now I have a little color, thankfully, and I feel much...lighter than I did. If that makes any sense.

My uncle bought a kayak a while back, so my sister and I played with it today in the water. So much exercise keeping the damned thing from floating away, but it was definitely quite fun.

Anyway, it's fun here. Good to get away, however briefly, from Bryn Mawr. First time since March. I do know that by the end of the week, I will be ready to go back, although my flight leaves at 6:10 AM on Saturday morning. Ugh ugh ugh.

18th June 2006

1:14pm: My goodness gracious
I MISS WAFFLE HOUSE.

There are no diners around here that are simultaneously cheap, smoking, and 24/7, and I miss my hashbrowns, damn it.

9th June 2006

3:26am: It's always all at once.

28th May 2006

12:13pm: I woke up 40 minutes ago, and thus far, this has been the best day ever.

It's a beautiful day, it's already 80 degrees outside, and when I went to Starbucks before work, the cashier liked my Fraggle Rock shirt so much that I got free coffee!!!

And after I'm done with Carp at 2, I'm going to NYC all by myself. I am excited and scared. Yay!

20th May 2006

10:08pm: a guitar and a heart
Is it me or is Jason Molina an extraordinarily pompous ass? He is talented. I love Magnolia Electric Company. But his asshole-ishness just irritates me. It grates the nerves.

Good god this was such a wonderful week. I had so much fun, drank so much beer, smoked so many cigarettes. Now, I am looking forward to staying here this summer, whereas before I was terrified I would have a breakdown.

The boys are so much fun. Everyone here loves them so much. Three people at work asked about them today. :) And two more wanted to know how their show went. Yay for getting to know people!

And Batten House is beautiful. My room is big, and the house has a big back porch that is at the top of a hill, which overlooks the woods and a stream.

Work is even better. I eat so much all the time, the work is minimal, the people are great, and I am going to put on so much weight this summer; I can feel it already. :)

I don't know what else to say, except that my room is littered with beer bottles, and that has never happened to me before.

And also, come visit me! It's fun and (relatively) cheap! And I have a lot of pillows and blankets. :)
Current Mood: so full

11th May 2006

7:01pm: PRETTY KITTIES

Oh dear I have found a way to pass the time while I sit here at work in the library without my stuff for my paper. Yay for pretty rain (which is coming, but is not here yet), and for being 4/5ths of the way done!

While I'm here, three more.Collapse )

How do they get their cats to cooperate? I would be seriously injured if I tried to put stuff on my kitties.

10th May 2006

3:34am: Ah, papers. And finals week(s). As stressful as they are, it makes me happy to know I will be finished eventually, and I'll be able to function without the pressures of academia for four months. Ah, pleasure reading--how I look forward to falling asleep to a good book that doesn't hurt my brain to read. Or that hurts my brain, but in a good way, and not in a Why-can't-Jesus's-penis-be-just-a-penis kinda way.
Current Mood: relieved

28th April 2006

10:31pm: goodness gracious
I'm so emotionally and physically drained right now.
Current Mood: i do not know what to do

24th April 2006

12:13pm: i'm on a road shaped like a figure 8; i'm going nowhere but i'm guaranteed to be late
Leeeeeeeeet's see. Yesterday I woke up at 3:20 and then I went to a really nice Japanese restaurant called Morimoto and got omakase which was eight courses of crazy delicious food that the chef picked for me.(I ate caviar for the first time!!! And of course baby squid and tuna belly...) Good god. I was so satisfied. I really think it's the best meal I've ever had. Thanks to Alex's mom for picking up the bill. Because I will seriously never eat like that again.

THEN! I found free (slightly bent) aviators hanging from a tree at the park. EXCITEMENT!

And on Saturday, which was a disgusting dreary damp cold day, I went to the mall with Lucy and bought more underwear so I can go even longer without doing laundry (working on Week Four, people).

It is here where I must comment about how wonderful Lucy is. I am so glad she is my roommate next year. :)

Oh yes and I have finally seen Clockwork Orange, which is an excellent movie for reasons I can't quite explain. I am going to watch it again to see if I can determine why I liked it so much.

Sigh I'm not sure I'm ready for this school year to end. BUT Mogwai is coming to Philly on 5/11, which helps.
Current Mood: warm

20th April 2006

12:28am: It is 4/20 and the only time I'm going to get to smoke is right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to embrace it while I can.


Enjoy the day, everyone. YAYUH!
Current Mood: tired

18th April 2006

12:41pm: So I got the job here, and I'll definitely be staying in Philly over the summer. Please come visit me, because Philly is a great place, and because it will be fun! :)

I'm really excited, except now it's sinking in that this will be the longest I've ever gone without being home. I will come home for two weeks in August, but then I'll be back here for school. Wow that's kind of scary.
Current Mood: surprisingly serene

9th April 2006

2:29am: Before I forget, I have not had this much fun in a very long time. Tonight was awesome, in so many ways.

Yay. :)
Current Mood: a little too much to drink...
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